A frustrating update

It's been a good few months since I last blogged so I thought it'd be useful to give an update as to what i'm up to and what the future holds. Last time i blogged i was running regularly, and had entered three long distance run events, with the ambition of trying to continue building mileage to make a marathon an option. Alas...two weeks before my first race, and after doing my longest ever run of 15.6 miles where i could have easily carried on for a few more miles, my tibialis posterior tendon played up again, tendinopathy set back in and it also seems i suffer with shin splints. Whilst that was going on I also decided it was time to seek out an opinion about my shoulder pain which had flared up again. I found a brilliant physio locally and finally, after years of complaining of pain when i swim to coaches only to be told it was nothing i now know i have tendinopathy in my shoulder, shoulder impingement, and a SLAP tear http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SLAP_tear , which won't heal itself but wasn't deemed bad enough to warrant surgery which would mean a month off from driving, and therefore possibly word. The physio confirmed the races were out, and it's back on the rehab. However, the shoulder is so weak that the rehab tires my shoulder out really quickly which given how strong i am generally is quite demoralising.

I have been doing what i can though, although still struggling with mojo to get into a regular training habit of biking and weights work. I can't even blame my dissertation as frustratingly i'm waiting on my tutors to get back to me about my progress and i seem to spend more time waiting on others than i do actually doing work. I'm starting to get a little anxious that i won't have enough time to write it up by end of september given i work full-time as i don't want to use all of my leave, although i will use a fair whack of it to get that dedicated time to write up.

In the gym weight training is going well, and i could easily just do weights all the time if i wanted, but i don't want to give up cardio work given the expense paid out since taking up triathlon 3 years ago. I've put on some weight over the past year through limited training due to injury and my sweet tooth come weekends, but i've started to get a handle on that now and turn the scales slowly in the right direction I hope. Bike work is fine too, although i've been sticking to turbo work as i'm not training consistently enough during the week to have my base where i'd want it i wouldn't have thought. Although, in my mind i know i could go out on the bike and easily clock up at least 30 miles.

As i can't run or swim without pain i've tried doing alternative cardio work to facilitate recovery...cardio machines in gym that i thought wouldn't aggravate the injury - WRONG! My tib pos didn't like the step machine even though i did it slowly and focused on stepping down with heel,  and aquajogging, WRONG, as that triggered tendinopathy in my elbow! Then yesterday, i thought i'll go for a long walk up in the trails i like to run in, to explore new ground, only for tendinopathy in the top of my foot to set in. Oh for the love of god!!!!!!!

Basically, i can't do any exercise without getting tendonitis it seems. I have started taking glucosamine again, as well as collagen to boost the levels of type 1 collagen (and type 3) as i have found that surrounding tendons is type 1 collagen and when you injure your tendon it gets replaced with type 3 which is prone to re-injury. Also, some people have higher levels of type 3 to begin with, which is probably me which accounts for why i get tendinopathy everywhere! If i can boost my type 1 collagen levels this might help repair and maybe prevent injury? A twitter account @fittendons 'The tendon clinic' suggested that a blood test might show some systemic or inflammatory medical problem so i'll book to see my Doc and ask for tests. I'm trying all i can to get to the root of the problem as i can't give up hope of doing the sports that i love without being in pain. 

The other week i tried swimming again, after a few weeks of rehab, and the first 25m were pain free and i thought "wow", only for the return length to bring the onset of the pain. I did 250m nonstop and felt good other than the dull pain but when i stopped it's like my arm is almost like a dead-weight, even after only such as a short distance. 

I had a month off from running and had looked up some technique ideas so did a 2.5 mile compact sand beach run of walk/run, resetting technique each time. Pain was there throughout and worse the next day, so obviously a month off wasn't long enough. Or, do i persevere through as some advice suggests it will be painful when you start back. What i have done though is book in to see @KineticRev for a 1:1 run analysis to see what i'm doing when i'm running that might be triggering/causing the tendinopathy. Thats not until mid July, all the way up in London, meaning an 8hr journey for a 2hr session, but if it means that i can learn what i'm doing that is contributing to it and means i get can get back to doing what i love, potentially pain free, and better, then it'll be worth it. Also, that amount of time on the train means quality study time writing my diss if i'm at a stage by then (please god let me be) to be writing up.

It's not even as if i've had private work on either, as no takers since Xmas, even after proposing an idea to my tri club of doing a group psychology session on confidence, anxiety, for interested people. Guess training the mind is still not given much credence, even though it can make or break a performance. 

I don't know what the future holds for me within tri, I know there are people far worse off than me with disabilities, and they race in pain all the time, but right now, if i carry on running and swimming then i could cause more serious damage so i need to get to the bottom of it and go from there, or discover that it'll never be better and then change my focus to something that doesn't cause my body to break down.

Right now though, i'm going to commit to myself to get back into regular training throughout the week, rather than just a max of 5 hrs training each week. If i become a cyclist then so be it, but i'm not giving up hope of finding a solution. I won't let my body beat me!!!!

Juggling act skills being harnessed

I thought i best update my blog as those who are interested may be wondering what i'm up to. Well…it's been quite a frantic start to 2015 and i'm only now finding the balance. The usual dreaded jetlag floored me for 2 weeks after i got back from USA, as it always does, even though people tell me i should only suffer with it for 5 days - well sorry folks, but the nausea, headaches and constant lethargy are real, believe me! This hampered my training efforts, along with the dreaded dissertation now being the main focus of the year. No longer do i have an 'A' race, but instead my 'A' event is getting my dissertation done and hopefully getting it done early so i can ramp up the training and fit in a race or two!

Don't get me wrong, i have entered now 3 races, but they're all running events. Running is my "go-to" sport, it's what i need when i want to clear my head, or de-stress, or think. If i'd had a long hectic day i'm able to get myself out for a run, but less likely to manage a turbo sess, or battling the egos on the squat rack in the gym, and even less likely to make it for a swim! As much as my training has been affected, well for months now, i'm consistently running and i'm now running to heart rate, which i've never done before. Sure, i've done it, successfully, for the bike, but up until now found my HR was too high. Well, needless to say i spent weeks just running on feel, very easy runs, even being able to just breathe through my nose for some, and then i started to use heart rate, going on previous heart rate testing and again feel. I still need to do a lactate threshold test, and on the bike, to get my heart rate ranges set properly, but for now i'm happy with the progress i'm making. 

The races i have entered are two long hilly train runs, and the swansea half marathon where ideally i'll clock a big pb and have a 'good for age time'. Although, i'm not going to follow a plan for this, just doing what i know, so i'll be happy with a pb, but chuffed if i get the 'good for age' time. The two hilly trail races are the Preseli Beast Bach in pembrokeshire, 11miles of fell and trail running. meant to be a cracker - hard but beautiful! This is at the start of May and then the end of May i'm doing another beast race, the Beast of Bryn, 15 miles of trail and climbs. Another epic on the calendar apparently. My mileage is almost there now, so i'm just building slowly, and then i'll have the miles in the legs for the half marathon the following month and then if i can keep the distance up i'll be set for late season triathlons, maybe a half ironman distance if i can get the bike and swim up too. 

Trail running - pure bliss

So whilst my running has been going well, i haven't been able to consistently do strength work or bike. Part of this is my weekends now being taken up mostly with study, along with the usual housework chores and food shopping, but also not being in a routine that means i go to the gym no matter how i feel. That is, until now! What i have developed the past 2 weeks is a routine of getting into work early, 90 mins early, so that i can study before i start work. This also kills 2 birds with one stone as i beat the morning traffic that makes a 20 minute drive to work a very frustrating 50 min drive. However, the lesson i learnt on friday was that i must take my iPod into work as when some of my colleagues decide to come in early and then spend all that time gossiping, loudly, it means that i can't concentrate and my early morning study time is wasted! Now that i'm consistently studying every day if i choose, then all that remains is to get my arse to the gym for a bike/gym/swim sess (or combinations of) a couple of times a week. I have been shocked, and pleased though that when i have got on the bike (indoors now, as i haven't been outside, or done a long ride, since my last race in october), and done strength work, that i'm still bang on the money with heart rate, speed, and then strength in the gym. Yesterday, i even clocked a pb for deeper squats (almost parallel in quads whereas previously i was doing quarter squats are far heavier weight), and probably could have gone heavier. That was having not been for about 2 weeks! But, what it did make me realise though is that i love the feeling of being more toned, of feeling stripped, and i know that due to less training i've got a few pounds to lose so that's what is motivating me to get to the gym a good few days a week on top of running, so that i can maximise my time and get my body back to where i want it. Then, when i am able to race i'm fighting fit and raring to go!!

Swimming is my least favourite, mainly because the times are less social to be able to go and not get frustrated by lack of etiquette when the lanes are busier. I also need to ensure my nutrition is right so that after work when i head to the gym for a bike and gym sess, that i then don't cry off through hunger before i get to dip my toes in the pool. I swam 3 times over xmas when i was away, but since then i must have swam maybe once?? I've not yet tested out my waterproof iPod in the pool either, only running outside in the rain! So this week the goal is to swim 2-3 times, no excuses, other than my own! (that's as long as my asthma-induced cough eases when i get my new inhaler tomorrow).

As for my dissertation, well given i only had 28 viable responses i'm pleased i have some good results that are significant, although it's not looking likely that i can do as much with them as i had hoped. I have 5 days annual leave before April, so i'm going to spend some of those days writing some of my dissertation, and then i'll feel that i'm on track to finish nice and early. The other days i'm hoping i can spend doing DIY around the house as i'm aware that there are things that i have left for too long, painting, touching things up, and i like things to stay nice, rather than becoming spoilt and looking unsightly. 

So overall, we're 6 weeks into the new year, and whilst i'm not training as much as i'd like, i'm now feeling in a place ready to commit to upping the training and sticking to it, knowing that i'm also keeping up with the study as well.

If you believe you can do it, you will do it! I know i will!!

Mindfulness...what is it, and how can you use it.

Do you ever find that you mind is always busy, always full? Maybe you feel like you never seem to have a moment's peace and you're always trying to play catch up? When i get like this it's when there seems to be more jobs to do than hours in the day and my mind seems to be running at full speed, never still. That's when i make sure i practice some mindfulness, to help quieten my mind, and to help prioritise what needs to be done, and also what doesn't need to be done. 

Mindfulness is something that's becoming more common place in our language but many people still are unsure what it actually means. I'm a big advocate of mindfulness, both for myself, and also for my clients, so let me try and explain it to you so that you might be able to make use of it yourself. Mindfulness comes from meditative practice but you don't have to meditate to be mindful. I'm a very active person and although i like yoga, i tend to be mindful when being active, so don't be put off by thinking you need to meditate for 45 minutes every day, because you don't!

The essence of mindfulness is to be very present in this moment, be very aware of the now. Often we spend our lives thinking about the past, or already thinking ahead to what hasn't happened yet. This means that we miss out on a lot of the "now" moments, and by missing these "now" moments we're not seeing everything around us, we're not hearing people fully when they speak to us, and we're not fully engaging in those moments. 

If you're someone who worries a lot, or dwells on what has happened in the past, then mindfulness can help you quieten your mind, and focus on the now, perhaps seeing things for the first time and realising that life isn't all negative, that there are some positives. Once you start to focus on the now, and start seeing things anew, you might find that you start to enjoy things that previously you wouldn't have spotted, like a new bud growing on a shrub you thought had died, or smelling the flowers as you walk down the road whereas previously you hadn't noticed them. 

To be mindful you just need to direct your attention to something in the present moment, whether this be your breathing (don't change your breathing rate, just notice how it feels when you breathe in and out), or perhaps focusing on what you can feel as you're sitting down reading this (where your body touches the sofa underneath/behind you, whether any parts of your body are crossing, whether what you're sitting on is hard, soft, smooth, rough, cold, warm, etc.). Whilst doing this you're not thinking or doing anything else. I often catch myself being very unmindful when i'm watching TV whilst also doing stuff on my laptop. Before long i'm finding i have to stop the TV and rewind because i've missed stuff due to not paying attention properly. Yes, we can multitask, but if we're choosing to be mindful then we do only one thing at a time. Now i can guarantee that your mind will not stay focused on your breathing, or how your body feels, for very long before it wanders off to something else, such as what you need to do later, or what the kids are doing in the other room. That's normal, so don't worry about it, don't berate yourself for thinking you're not very good at mindfulness - the fact you have recognised that your mind has wandered is very mindful. The trick is now to just brick your attention back to what you were focusing on in the moment, and continue to practice mindfulness until you are done - perhaps start off with a minute or two and build up, depending on the activity. 

Some basic instructions...just practice and see

I used mindfulness a lot when i was learning to breathe with my head in the water when swimming doing front crawl, swallowing lots of water and finding my mind was full of negative comments such as "I can't do this", "this is too hard!" Mindfulness helped my focus on the task in hand and let go of the negative doubts that were working against me. When swimming and starting to get bored, or starting to let the doubts set in again i can use mindfulness and focus on my technique, focus on my breathing, focus on the feel of the water, etc. and soon the time is flying by. One of my favourite mindful activities is mindful running...no music, just me and the open road...suddenly i'm hearing the different sounds of the cars, especially when there are puddles, i'm hearing my own breathing, or i'm hearing nothing at all...it's so peaceful.

Another really useful use of mindfulness is for pain and i practised this just 1/2 hour ago! I use it when racing or training hard and in pain to focus my mind and suddenly the pain seems less. In the case of 1/2 hr ago, i was in the car with my back killing me and i mindfully focused on the pain and suddenly the throbbing became less. When i stop being mindful then yes, the pain returns, but mindfulness can give you respite from the pain so it pays to be mindful ;)

Mindfulness takes practice, it's like any skill, you won't be an expert at it straight away. But you can be mindful is so many different ways that it doesn't have to take time out of your day, just time away from the mindless thinking that normally happens. Next time you're chopping veg, or washing you hair, focus your mind on the task in hand, be that the smells, or the sensations, or the sounds that you hear. Every day tasks can be done mindfully, you just need to focus on that moment, rather than planning the day ahead whilst you have a shower, or trying to do 3 things at once when chopping veg.  Practicing mindfulness for just a few minutes every day can make a big difference to your life overall, suddenly you find yourself letting go of things in your mind easier, or you find you stop judging yourself and others as much (mindfulness is all about being non-judgmental). You pay more attention to the task in hand, rather than trying to juggle too many things at once and dropping one, or more, or the balls. Mindfulness becomes a way of life rather than a skill, but to be mindful you do it on purpose, to be very aware and present in the moment. So why not try it? Go back to the questions i asked at the start: "Do you ever find that you mind is always busy, always full? Maybe you feel like you never seem to have a moment's peace and you're always trying to play catch up? " If you can relate to these questions, maybe find that you often think negatively about yourself, or life, then you have nothing to lose by practicing mindfulness, other than the chaos that is in your mind! What you will gain will also be a sense of calmness and feeling a whole lot lighter. So go on, try it...walk mindfully, eat mindfully, listen mindfully...just be very aware, present in the moment, focusing on just one thing and being aware of what is factual, rather than what are your own judgments. Your mind will wander, but just keep bringing it back, letting go of what is dragging you down and instead focusing on what is now, what is real...

#youcanyouwill ;)

Christmas 2014: a time for reflection and 2015 aspirations

Merry Christmas everyone, and if you don't celebrate Christmas, then i hope you're having a good day whatever you're up to. I was aware that i hadn't blogged in a while but was shocked to see it was as far back as end of October. However, in my defence, i've been busy without being able to tell you really what i've been up to, but also not enough has happened worth blogging about it. I still wonder whether this blogging lark is fulfilling some narcissistic need i have, although as a psychologist, i wouldn't have seen that as one of my traits. What i have know though is that i genuinely like helping others, and maybe some people read my blog because they can relate to my experiences, or they get some pleasure from my random musings, or maybe they read my blog for some entirely different reasons but what i do know is people read it, and whilst i might not be the most prolific blogger, if there is an audience that likes what i say then i'll carry on chatting :)

So you may be wondering what i've been up to since i ended my coaching relationship and ended my season on a high having won the local sprint pool based tri i was able to enter to at least get something from an otherwise injury-riddled season. Well i know i was justified in finishing my coaching, even if purely for logistical reasons, as come November the realisation hit that i have a MSc dissertation to write that needs to be done by end of September 2015. Now that might seem like a long way away, but when you work full time, do a little private work on the side, and try and train for 3 sports plus weight training, then suddenly time doesn't seem so plentiful. Plus, when having to liaise with university tutors who are extremely busy with all the students they have to oversee and mark essays, then suddenly a conversation can take place over a week, via email, rather than having an instantaneous answer. This is why I started to think about things early, to get my head back in the academic game, having taken some time out since my last module finished back in March, with only my online survey to tend to by re-posting it numerous times across the course of the 2014 triathlon season. 

What this meant was that training suddenly became a luxury that my body or mind never seemed to have much energy to dedicate to. I don't know what happened, but all i can think is that over the past 2 years my coaching timetables have resulted in differing morning waking times, whereas previously i was up religiously every morning for a 6:30am training session in the gym or on the turbo. I sleep badly anyway, no identifiable reason for this, it's gone on for as long as i can remember, but it means i have fitful sleep, never sleeping right through. Whilst i might still get 7-8 hours, and more recently i've seemed to need nearer 10 hours, i'm still waking every hour or so and when i wake and see the alarm set for 2 hours, or 1 hour time and i'm still feeling unrested, then suddenly it has become easy to change that alarm and grab every last minute i can! I have found though that i'm more awake in work by not having those early morning swims or training sessions, so maybe my body can't handle morning sessions anymore? I know Facebook "friends" often say i'm lucky as i have no kids waking me and i shouldn't complain, but honestly, when i never get an uninterrupted nights sleep it can become tiresome :( However, given i have this dissertation to write, and i would like to get my training back up to a reasonable quantity then come the New Year i will be re-training the body to get up early, train, not complain too much about it, and still have time in the evening to train some more and study! It comes in handy being a psychologist as i apply all the logic i share with my clients to my own situation and from the New Year i will be sticking to it!

I have come to the realisation though that the 2015 racing season needs to be downscaled severely so as to not put pressure on myself to train fully for set races whilst having the job of writing a dissertation and also working with a few private clients in a performance psychology setting. It's disappointing, given that i missed my planned races for 2014 due to injury, that i can't do those races in 2015, but i don't want to commit to races and lose more money when i'm not ready for them, like i've done for so many previous ones due to injury. Therefore, i've only signed up to the Swansea half marathon so far, as i want to go for a "good for age" time if i can, and try again for that in the Cardiff half marathon. I'll also look to do a local Obstacle Course Race that's coming to Margam Park in April, and maybe some others as they come up and i'm ready and able to do them time wise. But for triathlons, duathlons, sportives, etc., then the plan is to train as best i can, without the pressure of disappointing a coach if i can't stick to a plan when i have to skip sessions because of study commitments, or tiredness. Then, as races near and i feel i'm able to commit to them then i'll enter. This will mean that the distances will likely be shorter than the half ironmans i had planned, but depending on how much of my dissertation i can get through early in the year then late season i might be able to commit to longer races. However, i don't want to do an undercooked dissertation, and i don't want to go into races unable to race as i'd like, so if it means a year of training, enjoying what i'm doing, and having the flexibility to train as i like, to go out as i like, and to take weekends off to study completely, then so be it!

What i have found though is i'm loving the freedom in my gym sessions, changing things up to do different core work, loving my trx workouts in the gym, and trying new things as i come across them, or think of them rather than feeling restricted by a training plan. I know coaches say that if you follow a plan then you get the most out of yourself, but for me i prefer the flexibility to train as i want. Sure, when it comes down to training for specific races/distances then i will dip into training books i have to give my ideas for intervals in my sessions and swim plans. Don't get my wrong, i love hard work, i love thrashing myself in the right way, and i do still follow @bodybullet's ideas about heart rate training for base level work which is what i've been doing on my runs and my turbo work. however, i know that my bike sessions have seriously been hampered since October, with no trips out on my bike at all since i last raced, and the turbo/spin bike sessions i have done have dwindled in frequency. But, come the New Year the plan is to build base again in early morning bike sessions and ensuring i get out on the bike on a weekend, be it the mountain bike or the road bike, even if only for 2 hours. The other plan i have is to go to the gym and work on my dissertation in the cafe bar during the rush period straight after work for an hour or so and then head upstairs to the gym for a sess before then having a dip in the pool late on when it should be quieter. If i can do this 3 times a week then i'll be onto a winner and maximising time :) It just means i'll have to manage my nutrition to ensure hunger doesn't put me off and mean i go straight home rather than turn left and go to the gym. 

Switching gyms and rejoining the Virgin Active Glamorgan gym was an inspired decision as i now have everything under one roof, plus the food is pretty good in the bar too! The gym now has a great trx area which i love and the place has a different atmosphere since i last was a member. They also now always have at least one lane open whereas previously there were only set lane times. I've still encountered some egotistical swimmers that won't give way when you're faster, but i can't have it all unless i have my own pool! Also, with the gym bar areas having free wifi then it means i am able to work there before working out, and possibly even do some Skype sessions from there too for my private work. 

I currently have two private clients now and that's plenty really. In the New Year i can foresee one client naturally coming to an end, as my job will be done, but it might be a case of those sessions become less regular and just having offloading sessions once in a while. The other client is a teenage swimmer so again its utilising different skills to ensure that i'm working to his level and engaging him to capture his attention. I'm really enjoying those sessions though and really hope that he can put into practice what i'm suggesting to him as i really want to help others, to make a difference, so that they can finish their work with me having gotten out of it what they came for. Although, i know that that won't always be the case, i have had enough practice of those situations in my NHS clinical work. 

Even though not much has happened, it seems like it has, so i won't bore you any longer on Christmas Day, although by now many of you might be snoozing on the sofa. I'm here in the USA currently, visiting my brother with my parents for Christmas, so i'm 5 hours behind, still waiting for my turkey dinner indulgence, but for now i'll leave you be and i'll commit to writing another blog in the next week for New Year to reflect on what i've learnt from the year and what i'm hoping to achieve moving forwards. Take care all xx

Time for the off-season!

The past 2 years during my triathlon journey my season has ended by the last weekend in September and then i've taken a few days off work, had some time off training, and had a bit of a blowout before coming back refreshed. I'm always grateful of this time as boy do i need it by the time it comes around! This year was totally different though. All season i've been trying to get fit, trying to get training back to full speed and then when i recognised i could race late season I was excited to be able to do the obstacle course 5k race mid september all the way up in Scotland, the recent Carmarthen Cotswold Sprint 2 weeks ago, and then last weekend a tough 5 mile cross country race for the club in the local league. The final thing on the agenda was the Carmarthenshire Duathlon, this coming sunday, carried over from March when it was postponed due to freak weather. 

However, i've made the decision not to race on sunday as i feel i'm mentally and physically exhausted and needing some downtime. I tried to talk myself into racing, "just one more race and then you can rest", "you've waited all season to race and now you can", etc. But…if i raced then it would be straight back to work the next day, and then come next weekend i feel i need to crack on with my dissertation as i've thoroughly neglected it during the data collection period - i wanted some mental head space from it for a while! What my body was telling me during training this week was that it was fatigued, that even though i was keeping sessions shorter that it was hard work and my body felt fatigued. I put this down to not having done speed work in my rehab work as the plan at that stage under my previous coach was just to build base back up and get back to fitness. Then, having raced a hard short flat out race 2 weeks ago, with a long run commute to work a few days later, and then the hard cross country race last weekend, i feel my body just isn't used to that level of intensity right now. I know if i raced sunday that whilst i would give it everything that physically i'm not sure how much would be in the tank. Yes, i've lost a fair bit of money over this season through races missed, but…that race was scheduled for March, I had never planned on racing this late into the autumn, and having been readying myself to race from early March of this year, here we are 8 months later and I'm done for the season, mentally and physically. I thought to myself that i should be fresh having not raced all season other than the past few weeks, but, the rehabbing has been draining, if not physically demanding, and i know myself well enough to know when i need to recharge my batteries. That's why when i looked at the training plan my previous coach had scheduled up until December i knew i couldn't achieve it as it was a level far beyond where my body and brain were at.

I'm back to full fitness, i'm grateful for that, but i also don't want to jeopardise that by racing or training when tired, so instead i've decided to take a few days off from training, to have a weekend of doing not much at all other than things that i enjoy, and to have a little blowout. That way, i'll be ready to switch back on and into a higher commitment zone come November. This month in my head is where i add in extra sessions that are not "tri" specific. Therefore, i'll dust off the boxing gloves, i'll get back to the climbing wall, and i'll take part in Turbovember III (turboing every day of November). This will mean i also dust off the sufferfest vids that have lain dormant for a year, and get back to enjoying training, even if it's bloody hard! I'll start doing interval work when running, i'll get the mountain bike out, i'll start building from where i'm at, rather than just sticking to baseline stuff. That doesn't mean i'll do so much that i burn out before the season starts, jus that i'll start adding in the next level of training having got my baseline fitness back up. 

I always know when i need a break, but unfortunately the way my job goes means i have things in my diary booked up for weeks to come, so whilst i can't take any time off work, having a complete weekend off, and a few days off training until i feel recharged, is the next best thing. Mentally i feel pretty fried and physically i feel my muscles have nothing in them to give, even walking up stairs feels a chore, lol. I know i can't really complain, it's not like i have responsibilities like children to look after, i live alone, my time is my own, but i'm someone who soaks things up like a sponge until i need a little rest to let some of those things out again. What do i soak up you may ask…well in my job its typically other people's emotions, other people's terrible life stories, the stresses of colleagues in work who need to offload, trying to find a way to help people who are desperate, often suicidal, whilst also trying to find the time to keep on top of the reports that need writing (and my reports are often lengthy and need a fair bit of mental preparation), scoring up complex assessments that i have administered, and trying to find time to read to provide a better service to my clients. I get frustrated in my job that there's no obvious change on the horizon, things won't get better, and i'm likely to be in a similar position 10 years from now! I internalise all this. I don't get stressed very often (and when i do I'm like a headless chicken who can't speak(, but after a while it wears you down and you need some TLC even if that comes in the form of chocolate, beer, and sofa surfing for a day or so watching tv! So that's the plan…take a few days to not have to think about work, or training, or diet, or anything other than enjoying myself and recharging batteries so that i come back fighting fit ready to last through until Christmas!!

A change of direction, the end of a coaching relationship

I've been doing a lot thinking over the past few months, during my injury time and also my rehab, bringing me to my recent return to racing, about what works for me, what suits me when it comes to training. I've found it very difficult to stick to a training plan, not because i'm trying to avoid doing the hard work, as i enjoy those sessions where i feel like i've pushed myself and know these sessions are helping me reach my goals. But, with the job i do, there are days where my head is banging, or my mind is racing at 100 miles an hour, and i might not feel like being stationary on a turbo on those days, i might prefer the fresh air of a run, as running is my cathartic time. I accept that over the past few months I've gotten out of the habit of early morning training sessions and as such I would skip sessions but then fit them in later in the week. However, as a coach i accept that this must be very frustrating. I have seen people before pay for coaching but then add in extra sessions without the coach knowing, or not follow what the coach has written. When i've seen that i've questioned to myself why the person is paying the money. So, when it came to me not feeling able to follow a plan i started to ask myself whether coaching was for me, or whether i needed to just go it alone again.

I never intended on getting a coach. I thoroughly enjoyed my first season in triathlon where i organised my own training. I'm well read, so I take on board a lot of information about training plans, and feel that i know enough to make a decent job of it myself. I know that i may not be the best, but I'm a decent athlete and looking at my race results for local races i have placed no lower than 8th (my first tri), with two wins, one second place and three third places over the past 3 seasons across triathlons and duathlons which is a total of 10 races, not a bad record. When it comes to my race goals, it's never about winning, or placing a certain place/percentage in a race. For me it's about doing the best i can on the day and seeing where this leaves me. I will maybe have times in mind that i want to achieve across each discipline, and if i've done the course before then i'd be looking to improve on that, but for me the motivation is all internal, and the goals are performance goals (looking at my own performance to reach certain times, etc.), and sometimes process goals (where i'm wanting to maintain good technique throughout the run even when fatigued, or sustaining a certain average speed on the bike), rather than outcome goals which are about where you place in the race, who you want to beat, etc.

When i have trained myself I have enjoyed the flexibility to change my plan around to suit my life, and also to introduce new ideas into training to mix things up, which is great when I have a stack of triathlon220 magazines waiting to be read! During my injury layoff I didn't have a plan set by my coach, Simon @bodybullet, instead I was doing what I could and when i was training I was either following a rehab plan that had been given to me from a physio or a kind personal trainer I got chatting with on Facebook, or i was keeping my HR controlled as I had learnt from Simon. Also, in the 2 weeks leading up to my recent win at the Carmarthen Cotswold Sprint, i was between training plans and so didn't have a plan to follow, instead managing it myself and creating a race taper that suited me and how i felt. During these times I've thoroughly enjoyed myself as it feels like I'm free, that the pressure is off, and it's just down to me.

I originally started working with a coach because i felt i should, having found out I had gotten a roll down place to the European Champs in 2013 for Olympic distance. However, that didn't suit me so at the end of the 2013 season i went back to training myself. Then an opportunity came along to work with Simon, someone that i had followed on twitter and was intrigued by his methods and success with his athletes, and it kind of felt too good an opportunity to turn down. However, in some ways i was gutted as i had just bought the entire range of sufferfest turbo vids, i had bought the Don Fink triathlon books, and I had rollers, kettle bells, trx, that suddenly became obsolete. I was concerned I had wasted a lot of money on things that i now wouldn't use. 

As I have started to be interested in obstacle course racing so i was keen to add different elements to my training, as variety is what i thrive on, i'm not one for rigidity and doing the same type of session at the same time, every week. As such I had asked Simon to include new things in my plan as prior to the Spartan race in Edinburgh I had already started adding in burpees, pull ups, etc., so I too was starting to add things to a plan. I like having different things at my disposal and I wanted to get back on my boxing bag once the off-season came along - what a great way to get the abs firing and let out some frustration at the NHS! I've recently bought a 10kg weighted vest from Simon, and a sled that i will attach to a harness that i will wear and then pull it behind me. The idea behind this is the extra resistance, so i'm waiting for a tyre to come so i can carry that, and also pull it on the sled, as part of a circuit type training with other exercises thrown in life press ups, burpees, planks, etc. What fun that would be!! OK, you might not see many triathletes training in this way, but then maybe i'm not like most triathletes, in that i don't like the routine, I like the fun of training even if it is bloody hard work, and i like to keep things interesting to mix things up every now and then, especially over the winter. 

So much so that i came to the decision to end my working relationship with Simon. I've learnt a lot from Simon in terms of training the heart appropriately, and how shorter sessions that are done right are more effective than longer sessions that train at the wrong intensity. However, I knew that i would not be able to sustain the training plan that Simon had written for me. Yes, i will start going back to swim squads, and yes, I will follow a rough plan in my head. But, if i skip a session I have the flexibility to make it up later in the week. If i fancy a run, then i can do that and not feel guilty that i am messing around with the plan, again! I know that training regularly and consistently is key, and I will do that to the best of my ability that suits me and my life. I also accept that i might never be as good as I might have been had I been able to commit to a plan day in day out. But, I'm OK with that, as i'm happier in the knowledge that i can get the rollers out, I can dust off the boxing gloves, I can use the sufferfest vids, I can add in some extra exercises in the gym. Perhaps i don't need these things to be a good triathlete, but i do need these things to feel I'm getting the most out of my training in terms of what it means to me. I love training, i love variety, and yes i happen to be OK at triathlon, but i also happen to be OK at obstacle course racing, or running, or cycling, or tennis in the past, etc. So i want to keep things interesting with my training for me, as this is what i enjoy. The rigidity drives me to boredom which makes me switch off. 

Simon commented that he never has an "off-season" with his athletes, that they don't peak for one particular race, so the training remains ever progressing over the winter months. However, I'm looking forward to having some weeks where i get back climbing (which didn't happen last winter), where i box, where i do some sled work with a weighted vest on. This will help recharge my batteries whilst keeping my fitness levels up before i start to build for the 2015 season. yes, i will look at my Don Fink books for plans for my half ironman races next year. but i might not follow these to the letter as i know in my mind what i should be doing really, having had plans from Simon for the Outlaw Half last season which I wasn't able to race through injury. My training in my 1st season was along the lines of 3 swims a week, 3 runs a week, 3 bikes a week and some gym work. I think within that you won't go far wrong if you have one long session a week in each of these, one threshold session, and one HR controlled bike, or steady swim/run pushing the pace a little.

However, what i started this week was maximising my time by run commuting to work as i'm sick of spending up to 50 mins in the car for a journey that is less than 8 miles! This week i did the 14.11 mile return run in an easy pace of 2:16 total run time on one day. This means that come cross-country race tomorrow I will have run about 23 miles in a week. I have NEVER run that before! Plus, my calf feels good!! :) So, the plan is, run to work and back once, if not twice a week when the diary allows, but I might instead run once and then take the mountain bike the other time, so I'm getting home quicker on the bike one leaving me able to do a brick run session, or another session after the bike leg home. This will certainly help the mileage aspect and mean I'm fitting my training in around my life and enjoying doing so. 

As I'm no longer working with Simon I don't necessarily need to use the wattbike now so i'm thinking about leaving my gym and move back to one which has a pool within the complex, again maximising time so i could gym and then swim, rather than having to travel elsewhere for the double session which for me, just doesn't happen! This would also mean better access to a pool so maybe i might swim more. Basically, I'm coming to the end of my season with one final race left next week, and then i want to have a long overdue chinese takeaway, before i knuckle down, commit to my flexible but consistent plan, and then enjoy the training :) Happy training folks!!

Late season bonus…returning with a win!

Back in July when i was back running and cycling without pain I felt confident enough to enter a late season race when the Carmarthen Cotswold Sprint returned to the race calendar after a 23 year hiatus. It was only a short race with a 400m pool swim, a 23k bike, and a 5k run. I was looking forward to at least having raced in 2014 having thought this season was a write off, and also to see where i was at, having rehabbed from injury but not done any speed work running and hadn't gone flat out on the bike, only done some threshold pace intervals on the turbo. As for my swim…well, i've found that without being part of a squad i quickly find reasons to skip swim training during the week and have only been managing one swim a week at best, so i knew my swim time would be far from what i would have wanted if i had been swimming 2-3 times a week consistently.

I registered the morning before and drove the route from Johnstown to Llansteffan and back and lucky i did as there was a very sharp left turn at the bottom of a hill just before the turn around point, and then on the return there was a big left sweep that was sharper than it initially looks, and again when going down hill. However, i was pleased the road surface was looking good and nothing too challenging on the course. That night, i slept remarkably well before a race, maybe because it was a pool swim so no anxiety about drowning, and also because i was approaching this race as just being able to race. I found i had started to put pressure on myself in 2013, but the only person you can race is yourself as that's the only person you can control. Also, i didn't really know any names in the race entry list other than a few girls from the club, so i had no idea who i was racing against. However, the nerves did set in after standing pool side for a while waiting to start the swim. No idea what the nerves were for, other than the pre-performance anxiety that is very common. I just calmed my breathing and focused on watching those already in the pool. 

Having had a season off from silly o'clock weekend mornings for races I was up bright as a button at 5am and my ever-suffering parents picked me up to head on down to Carmathen. I had seen there was fog forecast and so much so that the race was delayed by just over 30 minutes to try and let the fog lift as much as possible. It never really lifted, but with the light brighter it at least enabled drivers to see us as the majority of people don't have lights on their bike, i know i don't on my race bike. The other factor was the temperature. We've been very lucky throughout the summer and the autumn so far with it being warm but it picked race day to be cold, not rising above 7 degrees all morning!

I'd brought plenty of clothes with me to choose the right combination…I had toe covers on my shoes which left my feet feeling comfortable throughout, a godsend given the number of times i've had frozen feet in the past because of my raynauds, I went for a snood for my head to keep the heat in and the breeze off on the bike, but the rain/windproof jacket i went for wasn't getting over my wet body so i went for a rapha gilet which i'd already opened and practised getting on and off over my head. Stupidly, i'd already put my helmet on thinking i was going for the jacket, so i then had to take it back off to put the gilet over but then it was getting stuck to my wet skin so wouldn't roll down my back, doh!! i was thinking to myself "god, this is the slowest transition ever!" Thankfully, whilst being slower than i'd have wanted, i was by no means the slowest, probably about average, and I felt comfortable on the bike, my hands weren't too cold (given they are usually freezing), and whilst i felt the breeze on my arms i can't say i was cold as such, not as some people suffered. For that i think i have to thank the combination i went with and the rapha gilet was awesome. Yes, they're expensive, but I've come to appreciate you often do get what you pay for and i thank the gilet for keeping the cold off my chest and leaving me comfortable throughout, unlike some who had to pull out with hypothermia! As soon as i stopped, went inside and then came back out again to get my bag from the car i was freezing, blue lips, teeth chattering, shaking incessantly, so believe it, it was cold!

So the race itself…I was pleased that the swim was a side by side swim, without having to worry about  lapping or being lapped. I haven't swam as much as i should have really but when you're injured it's hard to keep the mojo high, and i'd gotten out of the habit of early morning swims so i had only been managing one swim a week at best. However, during those swims i was feeling good, and definitely feel my stroke has come on a lot since March when i had time with @bigdaveakers a great swim coach. I couldn't get an accurate swim time as the swim included the difficult jump out of the 2m deep end of the pool, and then the run out of the pool and around the side of the leisure centre into transition. I think i swam close to what i had expected though so i was happy enough with that. 

After my less than swift T1 out onto the bike! The thing with it being a pool start means you have no idea how you're doing because everyone sets off at different times. However, i always look to overtake as many as i can and try and keep anyone from overtaking me. If i do this then i feel i've done my best. I was surprised that the bike was a whole lot more challenging that it looked! The course profile showed a steady climb for a while which you repeat on the return leg. However, the course was either going up, or it was going down, there was not much in-between! The climbing started within a kilometre or so from the start so no real chance to get the legs firing and i always find it demoralising when i'm in my lowest gear on a hill when the hill doesn't even seem that big! There was no heart rate monitoring on this ride, it was all about turning the legs as fast as i can in as decent a gear as i could. Going downhill and along the sections that were flat i felt great, but going uphill it just seemed steeper than it actually was! i think it was because the road kept climbing, even gradually, and was a very cheekily deceptive bike course! My average speed, working it out from my bike time and the course distance was over 17.5 mph, but nowhere near the kind of average speed I'd have expected from the course profile. However, i did pass plenty of people, i was zipping along in aero position on all but the climbs, and i did feel i was putting in a good shift. The only person who overtook me on the bike was a guy that i had overtaken going up a hill who quickly put the hammer down and re-took me (don't think he'd like being chicked!!). Now i haven't practiced transitions since last year, nor getting feet out of shoes and having a speedy T2 but i was pleased that i had learnt from past races where i slowed too much getting feet out and losing time getting to T2 dismount line. This time, i got feet out onto shoes and then was able to speed up getting to dismount, then a super speedy T2 where i could hear the guy on the microphone commenting on my transition, lol!

You can see the guy in the distance who i sprinted past

I've always found that i run well off the bike, even when i don't practice brick sessions often. I think i'd done a couple brick sessions in the past few months, but maybe because of my strength, I find that once the initial few steps are out of the way then i'm soon into my stride and feeling OK. The run course had been altered due to weather affecting the initial route, so we now had a 2 lap run along pavement with only a little up and down over a bridge. I actually don't mind laps because then you can judge your pace well and know how long you have left on your 2nd lap when you reach certain points. I know from photos of me running that i work hard when running and never look good! However, it seems to be relatively effective as I was able to settle into a decent pace from the off (no gadgets to tell me this, just my own feeling) and then the plan was always to pick up the pace on the second lap. From the turn around point on the 2nd lap was when i really picked up the pace, i could hear it in my breathing, but other than a couple of speedster young blokes passing me on the run, i was the one chasing down people and passing them. I could tell that i was running faster than the other girls out on the course but all i was focused on was running my own race and finishing strongly. I always have a kick, so the final turn into the school, about 600m out i'd say i picked up again and then i could see a guy in front of me and with about 60m left i turned on the sprint to finish strongly, much to the delight of the announcer!

I had no idea how i had done, but i felt I might be on for a podium, given that this race was mostly first-timers. I knew the field wasn't as stacked as if i had been racing earlier in the season, but I still didn't know how the other girls had done, especially if there had been a very fast swimmer who would have had a large advantage over me after the swim.

However, when my name was called out as the overall female winner i was almost a little choked, a lump appeared in my throat! The only time i have felt this before was when i was winning a 10k race for life race years ago and other women were clapping me as i was leading - i was almost crying then!! I was chuffed to bits!!!!!!! I hadn't come into this race to win it, i'd come into it to get back racing and to test everything out. Yes, i wanted to do as well as i could, but to come away with a win, an awesome trophy, and a cracking day pack backpack from the sponsors Cotswolds Outdoors was amazing!!!! WOOHOO!!

Looking at the results later, i was even more chuffed that i had placed 1st female on the bike and the run, with a 5k PB!! I've only ever run a 5k as part of a triathlon but i knocked 45 seconds off my previous best, and i had to make sure the length was right to be sure it was a PB! I was chuffed with this given i had been managing my own run pace when running my steady/slow runs (not determined by coach) and that i hadn't done any intervals, threshold work, or sprints since last season! My swim was 8th female which wasn't bad given there were a few swimming squad swimmers there, and i was 15th overall in the race (124 took part), so a good run out all round :)

Love my ice cream cone trophy!

So happy that i was able to race at pace in 2014 and to come away with a win was great! One more race planned now, which is the delayed Carmarthenshire duathlon that was postponed in March due to weather. So, a 5k/30k/5k race coming up next weekend. Again, for me this is just an opportunity to race, treat it as a training session working at threshold pace and see how i get on. Then, once that is done, it's time to continue to build and hope i stay injury free :)