My first DNF - Bala 2013

This was the race to end the season on a high. This was the race to show exactly what i am capable of. This was the race to put my renewed focus and quality training sessions into play. This was the race where i felt the best i had ever felt coming into a race. This was the race i was actually excited about, rather than nervous! This was the race where there was a depleted field due to the World Champs the following weekend, therefore a much better chance of getting a good time in relation to the winner of my age-group and therefore more chance of qualifying for GB again at the European Champs next year.

Unfortunately, this was the race where i did not finish, This was the race where i got my first ride back in the boat during the swim leg. This is the race where i felt like a failure.

Notice the choppy water - much worse in the lake itself!

Larking about pre-race, ready for the off!

The forecast leading up to the race kept changing so i knew there was probable showers and therefore went prepared with a few different options of what to wear. You always hear "never try anything new in a race" but due to the forecast i had bought a Skins thermal long-sleeve compression top which i could wear under my tri top to keep the chill off when out on the bike. It is a wicking material and feels very much like tri-gear so i am confident when i do  wear it it will hardly be noticeable. As it was i opted to go with just my  tri top/shorts but had arm sleeves ready in transition and if need be a rain jacket in my transition box. I had travelled up the previous day with my parents and we stayed in the same hotel as last year although this year had a room at the back of the hotel and it was wonderful - roomy & quiet! Registration went well and i checked out the transition area again, eyeing up the lake, feeling confident, unlike the nerves of last year of it being my first olympic distance. This year, the swim markers didn't seem that far away & i was well up for the race...feeling confident and relaxed.

Having had a good sleep i was awake just before 7 to have my porridge and also check the facebook updates being sent from Tenby for Ironman Wales which had a 7am start time. The weather back home looked amazing, lovely flat sea :) i wish i had had that sea rather than the deceptively choppy waters of bala lake! The morning started as dry but there was a good bit of wind down on the lake itself and there was definite chop on the water. However, this didn't faze me and i felt relaxed in the run up and then directly prior to my wave starting. Women were second wave off at 9:40am, with the younger men up to age 40 having already gone 10 minutes earlier, and the men 40+ coming 10 minutes after. My strategy on the swim was to start with everyone on my left as that is the side i breathe on and as the field spread out then cut a direct line up to the first buoy (all buoys were on our left). The swim is a one-lap affair and is easy to site. Most of the women bunched up on the left whereas i was in my own space on the right. i'd felt strong in the warm up, the water not as cold as last year and i heard one of the officials say it was 16 degrees which is decent as far as i am concerned!

The horn went and off we went...it soon became apparent that the water was even choppier than it appeared and i was only managing 7-10 strokes before a wave would hit me and i couldn't catch my breath. i'd never experienced this before. sure, i've swam in choppy water, and in large swell, but this was different, this time i couldn't get my breathing settled and it wasn't due to anxiety. i would stop and then try going again but soon realised that it wasn't working so i tried switching to breaststroke but even then i couldn't get my breath and could only manage short gasps. i was alternating between 7-10 strokes of front crawl and then not being able to breathe so having to switch to breaststroke and i tried to keep this up. by this point i knew it was race over in terms of the euro qualifying time as i was already so far behind my wave, regardless of not being the quickest swimmer anyway.

i kept telling myself just reach the top of the length and then it'll be ok as the chop won't be pushing you back anymore and it'll be easier to catch your breath but i wasn't getting anywhere fast. trying to breaststroke when my breathing felt restricted meant i didn't have much power in the stroke so the chop working against me meant i was wasting a lot of energy without any reward. by this time i was starting to feel isolated as all the safety kayaks were inside the buoys rather than on the outer edges. surely they would think that those taking the inside line were the better swimmers and those on the outer edges had placed themselves there for a reason? maybe if i'd had a kayak for moral support i would have been able to persevere? by this time my wave were already on their return leg and i still hadn't got down one length yet...the second wave caught and passed me and i was starting to feel pathetic with the sense of isolation and loss of control fuelling slight anxiety.

i could see my euro trip to kitzbuhel gone and i felt bad that i couldn't take my parents back to where they honeymooned. I was also starting to think that they might get concerned if they realised all the women were out of the water and they hadn't seen me...do i stick with it, not able to breathe properly and energy in my legs fast going, hoping that once i get to the top of the length (about 700m) that it'll all be OK, or do i quit? give in? admit defeat? i admit, i was hopeless, feeling despair and i concluded that even if i did complete the swim, in what would have been the slowest time by a long mile, then i would have had no energy, or breath for the bike or swim. i threw an arm up in the air (the sign that you want help), but no kayak saw me, i tried again, still no response, i took a few more breaststrokes but still couldn't get anywhere so again i threw up an arm and again...starting to get desperate now...eventually the kayak saw me and had to paddle 100m or so down to me. was i allowed to touch him? but then he asked, am i quitting the race? - yes i was, so of course i could hold on...i then got towed into the middle where the speed boats were, i felt sorry for the men swimming as we cut right across their path - sorry :( but it felt so good to not have to fight to keep going anymore. i got pulled up into the boat and then returned to shore. i felt dejected, i worried that my parents would see me and panic that something awful was wrong. i could see people looking at me knowing i had quit the race...i felt i had let people down by not being able to "man up" and 'never quit". I'm not a quitter, but this was a DNF (did not finish), which means i quit the race :( this was my first race that this had happened in. i started to doubt myself straight away, did i quit because i couldn't handle the chop? did i panic and that's why i couldn't breathe? i was well and truly, absolutely gutted. i just wanted to crawl in a hole and escape. my parents were fine, but i just thought about the wasted trip, the wasted money, whether they wondered if i couldn't hack the swim. i just wanted to grab my stuff and leave but i couldn't even do that. transition wasn't reopened until all the people were in off the bike which was a good few hours later :( by this time the weather had changed and it was wet and miserable. what a cracking day this was turning out to be!! all that optimism and positivity. all that excitement about smashing the race and finishing the season strongly. i had all this energy and nowhere for it to go...by the time i was back in the car on the way home my body crashed...i was aching, sniffly, and could hardly keep my eyes open :( i had no cough though so i still couldn't explain my tight chest but i did remember waking up the friday before with a tight chest and not swimming as a result. i then started to question who i had come into contact with that might have passed a bug onto me...clients, colleagues...

whilst waiting for my bike back i was at least able to cheer on my club mates, but i was gutted that i wasn't out there, i wasn't the one crossing the finishing line...i was pretty down for a few days after, disappointed at how the season had panned out and how it had ended. But the frustrating thing was i still had a tight chest and therefore couldn't go thrash out my frustration and unused energy in a hard training run or bike ride. during the week i didn't swim due to my chest but i did try a run or two and a turbo. after each training session i felt 'blurgh', almost nauseous, and my chest felt tight. this wasn't right, but then there was no cough, so i didn't think it was a chest infection. all i knew was that i wasn't a happy bunny at all :( i still had a half marathon to do as well at the end of the month and i wasn't able to do the full distance run that i had planned to do the weekend after Bala. things seemed to be conspiring against me. then someone suggested to me about 'exercise induced asthma'. reading up on this it started to fit with my symptoms over the years. i always struggle when i run in cold air, or when i run in atlanta when visiting my brother, which is very dry air, as well as cold at xmas time. i wheeze as if i have smoked 20 fags a day for years & truth be told i have never smoked, not even a puff as a kid. then there is my breathing in the pool where i struggle with breathing patterns over breathing every 4 strokes, and when going hard i can only manage breathing every 2 consistently. i have complained of having a small lung capacity, even though i'm as fit as a fiddle. added to that my late gran had chronic asthma and as a kid i had a heap of chest infections...it was worth a trip to the GP to get it checked out as rest wasn't helping and with the half marathon edging closer i needed to get back training, even if only for my sanity (& waist line)!!

The appointment i got with the practise nurse was as thorough as i could have hoped and she checked my chest which was clear and asked me to puff on a peak flow rate monitor which confirmed it was quite a bit below the norm for my age/height & fitness levels i guess. she gave me 4 puffs of an inhaler and then i had to wait 20 minutes before repeating the peak flow rate test which showed an improvement...there it might very well be asthma. i have to return in a few weeks with a month's work of monitoring my peak flow rate and i've also had blood tests done to see if i am anaemic. when i return the nurse wants to run more thorough tests too. What this has meant is that i'm back training without chest tightness. i'm running, doing work on the turbo, and went back swimming this morning. i felt much better now that i can breathe properly. it's also a relief that there is a reason for my tight chest and my DNF at Bala. it wasn't a psychological block, which as a psychologist currently doing a MSc in sports psychology, would have been a tough pill to swallow. it wasn't me, it was an underlying issue which i'd never thought of as anything other than normal before (in terms of the wheeziness after running in cold/dry air). this also means that it can be treated. additionally, having it flare up now, where i was able to take a decision to quit and was relatively safe is better than having a full blown asthma attack (if that is indeed what i have) and struggling to get any air at all. i'm hoping it might also help with my breathing pattern in swimming if i can get more air into my lungs.

So whilst i'm still disappointed that Bala didn't happen this year and my likely chance at qualifying at bala for the euros outright has gone, i can also put it down to experience as many people have shared their DNF stories with me, or their swim nightmares. nobody is immune from things going wrong on the day. all i know is that i prepared as best i could have and i wouldn't do anything different in the run up to the race again. i have made a commitment to get out into rough open water more often next season to prepare for all circumstances, as it's never enough practice in those conditions and it'll be a good test for my chest in swimming in choppy swell again for future races, and to build confidence back up. i feel my swimming has taken a few steps backwards in recent months, for reasons unknown, so i'm committed to putting in a lot of swim time, focusing on technique and getting more value for money when it comes to the effort i put in and the output i get.

This is the week before the Forest of Dean trails half now and i'm raring to go. My body isn't sure it wants this race however, as i have knee pain when cycling and my back has been playing up but the worrying things have been my calf pain from last season returning, even though running has been reduced, and also i have a slight strain/tear in my hamstring. I had an osteopath session yesterday so i'm stuck back together for now, but whilst i had planned on training next week on my end of season annual leave (feels long overdue) i might have to take a few days off to let the body settle. saying that though i have a ton of house jobs i want to do, painting, sorting garage, etc...so they might not be conducive to easing the aches and pains! when i am training though, pains aside, i feel like a tightly coiled spring just waiting to be unleashed...i have all this energy yet to be properly spent so i'm going to go and enjoy sunday on a challenging hilly course, but give it my all as then i will feel that i have finished my season and earned a rest, rather than getting there by default...so here's to the half marathon...i'll let you know how it goes ;)

A time of transition and the mojo returns...

Following my last race at Liverpool for the British Champs i spent a lot of time reflecting on things, and i'm a naturally reflective person anyway, so i never do anything without having thoroughly thought it through from all angles. Training was feeling flat, even though i was doing the sessions, and i was willing the season away so that i could close the door on it and start again. Don't get me wrong, there have been some good things this season such as the early duathlon results & also obviously slipping on the GB trisuit and racing for my country in Turkey. However, i felt like I had lost my mojo. I wasn't enjoying training, i wasn't enjoying racing, so i knew something wasn't right.

The weekend after Liverpool i went camping with a small group from my tri club for a training/social weekend at a local campsite in one of the most stunning parts of Gower. Camping is something i hadn't done since my teens but something i have long held ambitions to do but never had the courage to do as a single female, due to safety reasons. However, in the safety of a friendly group i packed up my little car with all my training kit plus my little 4 man tent (only really suitable for 2 people really). Luckily the bunch i was with were ever eager to help me put the tent up and then on the second night put the guy ropes in as i had no clue what to do with them! On the first night after setting up camp i went for a short run down some hills, along the beach, and back up some hills :) Then it was time to relax as I cooked pasta on my little camping stove and sat in my chair drinking lager and feeling instantly chilled :) It's amazing what a bit of friendly company and a few beers can do but it was certainly what the doctor ordered. The next day we had a lovely pleasant bike ride and i even indulged in a luscious slice of carrot cake (my fav) when we did a coffee stop at another beautiful beach location.

Rhossili

The weekend was a scorcher so i would happily have stayed put in the afternoon but i was coerced into a sea swim - my first open water swim since the jellyfish in Liverpool the previous weekend but i came prepared with suntan lotion that protects against jellyfish stings! I didn't feel comfortable swimming and the main group of guys had gone off like a train and were nowhere in sight, but i had a couple swimming around me, one i was looking out for so kept stopping to check her progress, and then Yoda himself, John, who was checking up on both of us! I've been having arm pain when i swim since i first started swimming for tri as far as i can remember but last year i mostly ignored it as when i reported it to the coach they didn't think anything of it. However, this year i've realised that ignoring it didn't help so i have been managing my swimming by cutting sessions shorts if the pain starts to kick in and not go away. I'm not sure if this was an excuse but i only did half the swim, getting out after the length of the beach - which was about 750 metres and walking back with another member who also got out because of injury. I think i did touch one jellyfish in my catch phase but no sting. The next morning i went off for a run by myself, just me deciding which turn to take etc., no pre-planned route and i absolutely loved it!! i felt like i used to feel when i ran - free, enjoying the exploration and the beauty of where i was, as much as the sensation of running itself. I took a mostly cross country route out onto the coastal path on uneven undulating terrain, before looping back down onto the beach, over the dunes, and then up Horton hill - a killer hill from the Gower Olympic triathlon run route. I have to say this time around it didn't seem quite as arduous an ordeal but that's probably because i hadn't swam and cycled beforehand, and didn't have to run it twice! However, this back to basics run - where i wasn't worried about time or distance was exactly what i needed to help me go searching for my mojo again...

This first half of this year, well in fact from mid autumn onwards has been difficult because i've been juggling part-time MSc study with my training, alongside full-time work. This tricky thing was my weekends were completely eaten up with training and then study up until i submitted a piece of coursework and then i would have a couple of weekends off before the work started again for the next assignment. I can't grumble too much as i live alone and am single, so it's not like i have family commitments and my time is my own, but it did mean for a long while i never felt rested and at times i had to choose study over training, and other times i had to make the decision that my work was good enough with the time i was willing to commit, so that it didn't take over my life. My last piece of coursework was submitted mid June, and then i made a presentation early july and that was my first year all done! I was pleased to find out that i had an average mark of a healthy merit across the year and i was even more pleased to be free of uni for a few months and focus on training, relaxing, catching up on other stuff (not that i seem to have done much of the catching up i hasten to add!!).

Fabulous quote i found by 'unknown'

I decided at the beginning of August to end my coaching arrangement with Rose. I was grateful for learning new training routes and new training sessions but i decided I needed to mix things up for the remainder of the season and therefore decided to go back to being coach-less. I also made the decision to not race in the Gower Sprint tri. I wasn't enjoying racing and decided i wanted a longer period to build towards Bala Olympic distance race, rather than have to taper for Gower sprint and miss out on a few days quality hard training. Since then i've found my second wind and am super motivated having got my mojo back with a bang :)

I opted to spend more time on the turbo so have thrown myself into The Sufferfest cycling videos. If you haven't heard of these i highly recommend them as they take away the boredom of the turbo and every video is a sweatfest that certainly makes you push yourself! There are many professional triathletes out there, some of them ironmen/women who do all their bike training on the turbo and only ride their bikes outdoors during racing. The elements are controllable, there's no stop/starting on the roads for junctions or traffic lights, you don't have to worry about idiotic drivers, potholes, etc. you can just focus on putting 100% effort in as on the road it's easy to coast, take it easy etc. if the ride is a recovery ride great, but if you're trying to achieve change through power/speed etc. they suggest that a turbo workout is more beneficial. I'm not saying that everyone believes this, as each to their own, but i have spent more time on the turbo recently, with a 2 hour ride down to Porthcawl and back completed last weekend just to get back used to my racing bike, rather than my training bike. Who knows how my bike time will look come Bala race, but i have enjoyed the variety of different turbo sessions as i hate monotony and like training sessions to be varied to keep things interesting, and challenging.

I have also switched my swim times to before work twice a week. I always used to swim pre-work last year and even though it can be difficult getting up before dawn to get to the pool by 6am, i always felt better after it and felt alive in work (for the first hour or so at least anyway!). I also invested in a new book "Swim smooth" and spent a bit of time reading this and various internet articles and websites looking into the shoulder/arm pain i was experiencing. I have since discovered that i was swimming with my shoulders rather than my lat muscles and i was also focusing on pulling with my hand rather than drawing the elbow back (making the forearm paddle more powerful). Having focused on this the pain has definitely eased when swimming although it still makes itself known from time to time, usually at the start of the swim. I have also had some useful tips from John and Simon who are part of the North Dock Dredgers swim squad whom i am now swimming with, so even though i still have one race left this season it's been useful having a few technique pointers to think about that seem to have helped as i need all the help i can get really. I had looked into getting an underwater swim analysis due to the arm pain and knowing something was not right with my technique under the water, but this fell flat. So, i'm hoping now once the season is over and we go back to basics that i'll have a quality winter training block given the progress i have made already from making a few small changes and that i will reap the rewards next year. I intend to swim at least 3 times a week over the winter, 2 squad sessions at least and then one longer swim on my own. I'm also going to get back in the gym and work on specific strengthening exercises for my lats/shoulders/rotator cuffs etc that will hopefully increase my power through the catch phase.

My new swim bible

Run wise...i've been enjoying doing my speed work down north dock as it's a change of scenery. Plus, my mother is into nordic walking and this is a great place for her to do laps without much foot traffic so we've spent the past few weeks of me running whilst she walks. A great way to catch up, whilst also getting a quality training session in. I also decided to enter an end of season half marathon to finish off the season strongly so i have upped my mileage recently, putting in a 11.5 miler a week ago, and i'll build again once bala is out of the way with 3 weeks then until the race. I decided to return to the Forest of Dean where i did a half marathon last year. They have a great half marathon that goes through the forest trails and the autumn race is meant to be hillier than the spring one, which had some hills in it as it was. So i'm not looking at this to be anything other than an enjoyable run through some beautiful countryside to end the season on a high as i absolutely thrive on the feeling of running, exploring new places, the sense of freedom that it all brings - that's what i have lacked, the pure love of training :) I've also really loved doing flat out speed work. busting a gut over a short distance flat out sprinting is what i love - pure speed :) so i've been tagging on some sprint runs after my threshold run sess :) best of both speed worlds ;) As for speed...well i've really, really started to miss the oommpphhffff of having a fast car...the grin i get from putting my foot to the floor and hearing the engine respond quickly and with guts is second to none...i miss that...but it costs a lot to have it!!

Come after bala now i'll get out on the trails and beach regularly to prepare the muscles for the unevenness of the trails through the forest. a chance for me to explore new places plus good prep for the pending cross country season starting again. Another reason for heading up to Forest of Dean is that i can check out the bike route of the Little Woody triathlon. This is a hilly half ironman distance race which has the run through trails again. I really fancied doing this race and needless to say it's been duly entered the day the entries opened. It feels very strange to have entered races as soon as they've been raced this year, and before my season has even ended, but the popular races fill up so fast now that you can't dilly saddle, you have to act. As it was i had already decided i wanted to make the step up to half-ironman distance next year, trying a flat course and a hillier course and as it happened i entered both my  half distances races on the same day! I'm in for the Outlaw Half in Nottingham on 1st June, and then the Little Woody on 23rd August. The Little Woody venue will also serve as a training base for at least one weekend in the build up, so that i can swim in the large diving quarry there, and also check out the hilly bike route. Preparation is key and if you can get used to the setting pre-race it helps settle anxieties and nerves come race day. Plus, living in wales i have hills galore to play with so i'll be spending a lot of time on bwlch and rhigos mountains, as well as venturing towards the black mountains as somewhere new too. A number of people from the club are stepping up to ironman distance next year so i intend to join in some of their training sessions to get the miles in the legs. having seemingly mapped out most of my season next year i'm already excited to get started on the next phase of my tri life. I'll refer to Don Fink books for training plans and tips but i won't stick to it religiously as the base phase refers to only 7 hours work a week, which given i already have a solid base i will add more to it, but without going overboard and peaking before the base phase even finishes!!

Today i booked my annual leave to coincide with my last race, the half marathon, and then i'll get a week and a day (with a weekend away in London in between) off to mark the end of my season. This is when i will do what i want, or nothing at all. I will eat what i want and get back into rock climbing for a month or two at least. I'll get jobs around the house done that i keep meaning to do but all my leave this year has been focused on training, getting coursework done, or going to turkey for the euro champs. I have only had a few days where i took them off just to enjoy, and because of that, that time was precious, not to be spent clearing a garage, or painting a kitchen! however, come end of september, at least a day or 2 will be dedicated to those very jobs!!

So here i am...in my week of taper and absolutely raring to go in Bala. My race head is well and truly on, i'm loving what i'm doing, i'm feeling ready to give it my all and leave everything out there on the race course. All i can do is my best on the day. if the conditions are favourable i'd hope to beat last year's times and if i get a good enough time then i might get onto the rolldown list again to try and qualify for the Euro Champs next year, in Kitzbuhel, Austria. if i don't get there, then not to worry, i've got the half ironman distances to focus on, plus a sportive or two, plus some duathlons, so still plenty to look forward to whatever next season holds...next stop bala so i'll see you all on the other side!!

Enjoying the run section in Bala 2012